How to make a marriage work.
Posted on December 4, 2009
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I had this thought for a blog post after my friend of 10 years divorced his wife of 9 years. It may not of been the longest marriage of all time but none the less it made me question where they went wrong. With over 50% of all marriages ending with a divorce what can you do to keep the knot sealed with your loved one? Getting married can possibly be the best thing you ever do in life, more fullfiling than your valued career or that Benz you have parked in your drive way. Isn’t it worth the extra effort to make it last?
Here are 3 steps that might help!
- You have to make a commitment, and after you do that, STAY commited. - You need to stay commited because, like almost everything in life, if you don’t there is a high chance you will fail. Spend time with your other half often. Talk out things, not just the big things, the small ones are just as important. Include your spouse in everything they will allow you to. Find new things to do with you spouse and make your marrige grow.
- Don’t underestimate any issue. – Remember, you don’t need to make a big deal over everything, but even the little stuff if not dealt with properly can grow into a mountian of trouble. Don’t make the mistake of ignoring something only to let it fester and be grounds for divorce.
- Communication! – I know this sounds ridcuously basic when it comes to relationships, but you have to keep with it 5 years down the line to 50 years down the line. My parents have been married for 48 years, and they still talk about everything. The more you are able to talk and listen the more of a bond you will share with your partner and the more your marriage will thrive. The biggest point i’d like to make is this; if you are able to talk through any situation your marrige will only grow and get stronger.
If your worried about you marriage, take these small steps and apply them to you day to day activity’s and see if it help. Good luck.
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How to stay positive
Posted on December 3, 2009
Filed Under Staying Positive | 1 Comment
Staying positive can be a daunting task. With everything the way it is right now like the economy and job situation, we all have the right to worry. Times are hard and nothing you can think will change that, but it’s unhealthy to get stuck in this perceptual loop of negativeness. One also needs to be aware about what happens when you worry about un-nessacary things, take for example the man who didn’t want to lose his job. Because of his negativness of the ‘ what-if ‘ he became a self fullfilling prophecy and his performace dropped and he got laid off.
Believe it or not there are things that you can do to help! Motivational posters on your desk and computers won’t help without action, they won’t help if they were tattooed on your arm either, you need a solid state of mind and a action plan to keep yourself going in a positive manner. Remember a positive mind or more productive than a negative mind. Try these techniques out and see if they work for you.
Question the negative thought.
- How do I feel about this thought?
- Does it limit anything? Your life at home, or performance at work?
- Try using a reverse thought process. Turn that negative thought into a positive one!
Okay so your having some negativity. Admit it to yourself.
- You have to mentally tell your negativity to go away. Once you do you will be free to focus on what is really important to you.
Make the best of your time off. DON’T DWELL!
- Spend more time with friends and family when you are off, they can be a great source of insperation
- read some motivational books
- When you are down, DON’T WATCH TV! A planned few minutes on the news can lead to hours of useless programming!
- avoid “ Poisonous ” people, you know who they are. That guy that is always complaining about his wife, or the girl that is quick to put down all of your ideas as failures.
- Start a hobby, be it stamp collecting or Four Wheeling it will be sure to take your mind off of things in a positive way
- My favorite thing to do when I am stressing over whatever it may be is to put it in writing. It’s a proven concept that works, may be hard to get into but once you do you will be glad you did
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How to keep your job. When everyone else is jobless.
Posted on December 3, 2009
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Let’s face it, even now, in 2009 the job market is horrible. Things may be looking up, but the economy is still at a low point. Since the current U.S. recession started in December 07′, nearly 7 million jobs been lost, and thats more than 1.4 million are from ‘Professional’ slots. The labor Department says total emplyment is now at its lowest level since August 04′
So you might be asking: How to make my job more secure?
What skills, attitudes, and attributes should I pocess to make it less likey that my name will be on my company’s next list of who to lay off?
Some of these survival skills of what has been coined “soft” skills – relationships and attitudes – while some skills involve more0measurable tasks. Some of these soft skills may sound obvious, but for may workers, developing them will lead to real, meaningful personal/professional change. The long time worker who gets through the day with his head down and nose to the grindstone, just like the colleague who gets through the day with a constant stream of humor and jokes, will learn that they need to add new tactics to their personal skill-set arsenal.
Thant’s because a vital key is keeping your job in these down times is visibilty – but only positive visibility, and especially positive visibility that has a tangible connection with measurable results.
BOOST YOUR PROFILE AND IN TURN YOUR VALUE
Raise your profile within the company by doing things you haven’t done, things that may seem peripheral to the business but are key to the office. Remember, the office is a social community that’s within the business, and it works, or doesn’t work, just like any other social grouping. It may not be fair, but the odd man – the worker who goes straight home rather than socializing with co-workers – may end up being the odd man out.
Because the office is a social entity, you’ll have to develop a unique standing within it to increase your chances of survival as the entity shrinks through layoffs. This entails building what experts are referring to as a “personal brand”, creating an array of strengths and attributes that are unique to you. This doesn’t mean that you should be the only one to wear a bow-tie or that you should wear a pink dress every day; it does mean that you have enough to offer the bosses that you will be remembered when the time comes.
Workers can raise their profiles when they make the effort to join special committees or even help organize a company-wide social engagement. This can consist of doing something as simple as getting your department co-workers to all go out to lunch together to actually intramural athletic events.
“Conventional wisdom may say that you should keep your head down, especially during an economic downturn,” says Meredith Haberfold, an executive coach who operates out of New York.
However, the reality is that visibility is all-important, she said. But only good visibility. The worst form of visibility – complaining and criticizing – is all but a guarantee of a bad personal outcome, Haberfeld said. Avoid gallows humor (quipping “you want fries with that?” to an executive), or out-loud cynicism (asking, tongue-in-cheek, “hey, boss, you here to fire me?”).
Almost any form of gossiping is poison, and the high-end maintenance employee is at risk, says employment counselor Susan Heathfield.
Author and career coach Alexandra Levit told Money magazine that you should avoid guilt by association, just as you should seek approval by association: Don’t hang out with the down crowd (the “Debbie Downers,” she calls them), and do hang out with the people the bosses (genuinely) like.
The next step toward visibility is upward, rather than outward – making sure that your bosses actually know what you’re doing for the company. This, according to Haberfield, comes down – very simply – to blowing your own horn. After all, if you don’t do it, chances are that no one else will, and chances are very good that someone else will try and take credit for your successes.
If you had a successful sales campaign, let the bosses know. If you’ve been able to show how work now being done by expensive consultants could be done in-house – and for a lot less money – let them know.
“My suggestion is that you work your tail off to be visible about the results you’re producing” says Haberfeld.
And don’t just assume that the numbers speak for themselves. If you’ve developed a new technique in your last sales campaign, tell the bosses. And tell them in writing: a casual remark in the elevator really won’t do. The ‘invisible guy’ is the first guy to go, says Stephen Viscusi, author of ‘Bulletproof Your Job: Four Simple Strategies to Ride Out the Rough Times and Come Out on Top at Work.’
Stepping across boundaries rather than building them is the right approach. If you’re in public relations, but you have a sales lead, share it with sales – and make sure they don’t take credit for it. If there’s a big project that you’ve managed to avoid every time it comes up, change that. Write this year’s annual “Year in Review,” even if you are certain that no one reads it.
the needed skills to Stick out in the workplace.
Being the invaluable, irreplaceable employee no longer means hoarding expertise in just one area. Indeed, that’s just won’t work in today’s environment.
What will work is new skills. Here are some ways to develop them:
- Mentoring your way to Success: Seek a mentor within your organization. Or even better, BE ONE. if you’re low on the totem pole, seek the advice and counsel of someone higher up; and vice versa.
- Stay Ahead of the Pack: Keep up with developments in your field. This is differnt than acquiring new skills; this is going to professional societies and finding out what will be happening in the next few months or years – and being ready for these new trends.
- Embrace ‘Social Media’: Many companies have been slow to embrace the tools and services of www.myspace.com www.twitter.com, and www.twitter.com while the employee’s have jumped right in. Become your company’s ‘go-to man’ for new media outlets.
- Volunteering: I have heard volunteering outside the workplace is a excellent way to expose yourself to new ways of using your skills. Who knows, that company you spend 4 or 5 hours a week with keeping books for charitys or something of the like could turn into a full time position if your current one flakes out.
Recognizing Fear – is your fear level balanced?
Posted on December 2, 2009
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What is Fear?
Root of Fear –
According to Buddhism, there is unhealthy fear and healthy fear. For example, when we are afraid of something that cannot actually harm us – such as spiders – or something we can do nothing to avoid – such as old age or being struck down with smallpox or being run over by a truck – then our fear is unhealthy, for it serves only to make us unhappy and paralyse our will. On the other hand, when someone gives up smoking because they are afraid of developing lung cancer, this is a healthy fear because the danger is real and there are constructive steps they can take to avoid it.
We have many fears-fear of terrorism, fear of death, fear of being separated from people we love, fear of losing control, fear of commitment, fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of losing our job, the list is never-ending! Many of our present fears are rooted in what Buddha identified as “delusions” – distorted ways of looking at ourself and the world around us. If we learn to control our mind, and reduce and eventually eliminate these delusions, the source of all our fear, healthy and unhealthy, is eradicated.
However, right now we need the healthy fear that arises from taking stock of our present situation so that we can resolve to do something about it. For example, there is no point in a smoker being scared of dying of lung cancer unless there is something that he or she can or will do about it, i.e. stop smoking. If a smoker has a sufficient fear of dying of lung cancer, he or she will take steps to kick the habit. If he prefers to ignore the danger of lung cancer, he will continue to create the causes of future suffering, living in denial and effectively giving up control.
Healthy Fear -
Just a smoker is vulnerable to lung cancer due to cigarettes, it is true that at the moment we are vulnerable to danger and harm, we are vulnerable to ageing, sickness, and eventually death, all due to our being trapped in samsara-the state of uncontrolled existence that is a reflection of our own uncontrolled minds. We are vulnerable to all the mental and physical pain that arises from an uncontrolled mind-such as the pains that come from the delusions of attachment, anger, and ignorance. We can choose to live in denial of this and thereby give up what control we have, or we can choose to recognize this vulnerability, recognize that we are in danger, and then find a way to avert the danger by removing the actual causes of all fear (the equivalent of the cigarettes)-the delusions and negative, unskilful actions motivated by those delusions. In this way we gain control, and if we are in control we have no cause for fear.
Balanced Fear -
A balanced fear of our delusions and the suffering to which they inevitably give rise is therefore healthy because it serves to motivate constructive action to avoid a real danger. We only need fear as an impetus until we have removed the causes of our vulnerability through finding spiritual, inner refuge and gradually training the mind. Once we have done this, we are fearless because we no longer have anything that can harm us, like a Foe Destroyer (someone who has attained liberation, defeated the foe of the delusions) or a Buddha (a fully enlightened being).
How to stay calm and mantain your inner peace.
Posted on November 2, 2009
Filed Under Staying Positive, Zen | Leave a Comment
One of your goals should be to stay calm in the midst of whatever anxiety or chaos life may try to throw at you.
Do you find yourself consistently allowing anxiety to take you over? Instead of feeling inner peace, you feel stressed and upset.
Do you allow the actions of others to affect you in a negative way? Someone does something you don’t agree with, and instead of letting it go, you let it get you all upset.
You need to learn to stay calm no matter what. There’s no reason to raise your blood pressure over things you have no control of. Learn how to calm yourself and you can handle life with a sense of inner peace.
How To Calm Yourself Tip #1
Notice the Anxiety
The first step in your quest to stay calm is to consciously notice your feelings of anxiety. Most of your problem will be solved in this step. Your whole life you’ve been allowing the events around you to control the emotions you feel. When you become fully aware each time you feel the anxiety, you begin to understand in your own way how to stay calm.
The next time someone “offends” you, stop and listen to the negative voice in your head. The next time you’re stressed over a deadline or a family issue, just listen to yourself.
In the beginning, don’t even try to change your thinking. Just be aware. Say to yourself, “There’s my feeling of anxiety”. And don’t judge! Just notice the emotion.
The more you do this, the “noticing” begins to diffuse the anxious or negative human emotions.
You’re able to separate the anxiety from who you really are inside and you stay calm. You begin to feel inner peace at all times, not just when things are going well.
How To Calm Yourself Tip #2
Understand That We’re All One
If you realize that you and those people around you are all part of the same spiritual force or energy, you can let the things they do go much more easily.
Did you know that many things you do naturally irk some people around you? Yes, it’s true, you’re not perfect 
Seriously, when you look at life from a greater spiritual perspective, who cares if other people don’t act the way you always want them to. They’re trying to learn and grow just as you are.
When you look at in this way, you’re more forgiving. It’s easier to stay calm.
How To Calm Yourself Tip #3
Read
I personally find the act of reading to be calming. Try it. Get a good book and curl up somewhere comfortable and dive into a new world the author takes you to.
Simple? Yes. But an effective way to settle yourself down, get away from your day-to-day activities, and encourage inner peace.
Go make yourself some tea, start reading, and stay calm.
Self Growth, Personal Enlightenment.
Posted on November 2, 2009
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Zen.
| 1. | Chinese, Ch’an. Buddhism. a Mahayana movement, introduced into China in the 6th century a.d. and into Japan in the 12th century, that emphasizes enlightenment for the student by the most direct possible means, accepting formal studies and observances only when they form part of such means. Compare koan, mondo. |
| 2. | the discipline and practice of this sect. |