Root of Fear –

According to Buddhism, there is unhealthy fear and healthy fear. For example, when we are afraid of something that cannot actually harm us – such as spiders – or something we can do nothing to avoid – such as old age or being struck down with smallpox or being run over by a truck – then our fear is unhealthy, for it serves only to make us unhappy and paralyse our will. On the other hand, when someone gives up smoking because they are afraid of developing lung cancer, this is a healthy fear because the danger is real and there are constructive steps they can take to avoid it.

We have many fears-fear of terrorism, fear of death, fear of being separated from people we love, fear of losing control, fear of commitment, fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of losing our job, the list is never-ending! Many of our present fears are rooted in what Buddha identified as “delusions” – distorted ways of looking at ourself and the world around us. If we learn to control our mind, and reduce and eventually eliminate these delusions, the source of all our fear, healthy and unhealthy, is eradicated.

However, right now we need the healthy fear that arises from taking stock of our present situation so that we can resolve to do something about it. For example, there is no point in a smoker being scared of dying of lung cancer unless there is something that he or she can or will do about it, i.e. stop smoking. If a smoker has a sufficient fear of dying of lung cancer, he or she will take steps to kick the habit. If he prefers to ignore the danger of lung cancer, he will continue to create the causes of future suffering, living in denial and effectively giving up control.

Healthy Fear -

Just a smoker is vulnerable to lung cancer due to cigarettes, it is true that at the moment we are vulnerable to danger and harm, we are vulnerable to ageing, sickness, and eventually death, all due to our being trapped in samsara-the state of uncontrolled existence that is a reflection of our own uncontrolled minds. We are vulnerable to all the mental and physical pain that arises from an uncontrolled mind-such as the pains that come from the delusions of attachment, anger, and ignorance. We can choose to live in denial of this and thereby give up what control we have, or we can choose to recognize this vulnerability, recognize that we are in danger, and then find a way to avert the danger by removing the actual causes of all fear (the equivalent of the cigarettes)-the delusions and negative, unskilful actions motivated by those delusions. In this way we gain control, and if we are in control we have no cause for fear.

Balanced Fear -

A balanced fear of our delusions and the suffering to which they inevitably give rise is therefore healthy because it serves to motivate constructive action to avoid a real danger. We only need fear as an impetus until we have removed the causes of our vulnerability through finding spiritual, inner refuge and gradually training the mind. Once we have done this, we are fearless because we no longer have anything that can harm us, like a Foe Destroyer (someone who has attained liberation, defeated the foe of the delusions) or a Buddha (a fully enlightened being).

Do you find yourself consistently allowing anxiety to take you over? Instead of feeling inner peace, you feel stressed and upset.

Do you allow the actions of others to affect you in a negative way? Someone does something you don’t agree with, and instead of letting it go, you let it get you all upset.

You need to learn to stay calm no matter what. There’s no reason to raise your blood pressure over things you have no control of. Learn how to calm yourself and you can handle life with a sense of inner peace.

How To Calm Yourself Tip #1
Notice the Anxiety
The first step in your quest to stay calm is to consciously notice your feelings of anxiety. Most of your problem will be solved in this step. Your whole life you’ve been allowing the events around you to control the emotions you feel. When you become fully aware each time you feel the anxiety, you begin to understand in your own way how to stay calm.

The next time someone “offends” you, stop and listen to the negative voice in your head. The next time you’re stressed over a deadline or a family issue, just listen to yourself.

In the beginning, don’t even try to change your thinking. Just be aware. Say to yourself, “There’s my feeling of anxiety”. And don’t judge! Just notice the emotion.

The more you do this, the “noticing” begins to diffuse the anxious or negative human emotions.

You’re able to separate the anxiety from who you really are inside and you stay calm. You begin to feel inner peace at all times, not just when things are going well.

How To Calm Yourself Tip #2
Understand That We’re All One
If you realize that you and those people around you are all part of the same spiritual force or energy, you can let the things they do go much more easily.

Did you know that many things you do naturally irk some people around you? Yes, it’s true, you’re not perfect 

Seriously, when you look at life from a greater spiritual perspective, who cares if other people don’t act the way you always want them to. They’re trying to learn and grow just as you are.

When you look at in this way, you’re more forgiving. It’s easier to stay calm.

How To Calm Yourself Tip #3
Read
I personally find the act of reading to be calming. Try it. Get a good book and curl up somewhere comfortable and dive into a new world the author takes you to.

Simple? Yes. But an effective way to settle yourself down, get away from your day-to-day activities, and encourage inner peace.

Go make yourself some tea, start reading, and stay calm.